Distractions

I was recently asked to list distractions in my life. To list distractions that were taking me away from the dream I have. I thought about this for a few moments and the list began…hmm well there’s Facebook of course, that can suck the life out of me. I listed other social media like Instagram, being late to the game but checking it way too often. I listed Bumble, the dating app which is like women shopping. That can consume tons of time from scrolling and swiping to then the rush of a match and then composing the witty texts to finally agreeing to meet to then meeting and then it’s back to swiping and the whole thing all over again. I can be distracted by current events and sports and relationships but what I’ve come to realize is that my biggest distraction are my anxieties. These damn things can take me out for days. They can so consume me that instead of working on my dreams coming true I’m working on just surviving and staying alive. They are my biggest distractions.

And it’s funny that list I just shared with you most all the times is a conduit for those anxieties to exist. I mean after all what is social media at times but a great way to compare myself to others and we all know what that gets me. And dating, a ball of ready made anxieties lurking around the corner. While these distractions at times yield happiness, they too often own me and not the other way around. I am constantly reacting to these things. I am not choosing what to feel or when to feel them. I am a victim.

And all this got me thinking to another dream that I had in my life some years ago. I came out to Los Angeles from NYC to become a successful and working actor. It was a dream. And I knew that in order to fulfill this dream I would need to decide what I was exposed to, what came into my life, what I would say no to and say yes to. For instance I didn’t have any interest in socializing with other actors, not wanting to hear their opinions and yes their anxieties of “The Business”. I didn’t socialize with industry people as I wanted it all to be clean, simply audition and get the part. And here is what I did-I put blinders on. I literally said to myself put your blinders on so you will not be distracted. When I went into auditions I chose not to sit in a waiting room where I could hear another actor auditioning for the same part in the next room. And these blinders lead me to beating the odds and having a successful run as an actor on tv and in film.

Now success and alcohol and drugs obliterated the very thing that got me where I wanted to go, but that’s another story. Blinders are very effective. If you think about it they put blinders on horses in order to limit their vision. They are by nature skittish animals, prone to anxiety like myself and these blinders protect them from being spooked by other horses or people or the environment around them. And for me these blinders give me a stronger sense of myself which is key in realizing that dream. They are an effective way of minimizing what is going on around me and in turn minimizing those anxieties which take me out of the game.

Now you might be thinking well you’re just putting your head in the sand, one needs to know what’s going on the world for one. I say the blinders let me choose when and how I will get that information. I will seek out that information, it will not seek out me. I will seek out the relationships I want they will not seek out me etc…I will keep the blinders on for a clear vision of that dream I am creating.